I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
