you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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