apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
