Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
