I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
