I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
