yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
