This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
