i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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