I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
