this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
