smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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