Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
