i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We talked him into tasing himself.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
