So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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