I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
