The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
