pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
