so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
