If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
