Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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