his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
