is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize