You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
