dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i drank out of a bidet.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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