Plan B is the new Plan A
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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