My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
