My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize