bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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