id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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