i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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