its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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