I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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