Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Found the puke drawer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
