they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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