Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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