i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this hospital has no fireball
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
