I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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