She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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