I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
