remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
