The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize