I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
