I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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