So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
