Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
