Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
