bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
