a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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