so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
