dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
