I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
