why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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