We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
