someone threw a dead crab at me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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