I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
