It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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