Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
