That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
