ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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