last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
