you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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