I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
