just tell him i said nine months
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
