he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
