i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize