what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
