between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
