My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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