im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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