you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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