haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
