dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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