im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
