I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
handjob tips. give me some.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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